28 December 2011

A letter to myself

Do you ever just get lost sometimes?
I miss places now and again places that once filled me with inspiration places were dreams are made and lived out, it dawned on me the other day that i hadn't seen the sea for months. I don't look at things like i use to. Places and things cover my view, were long paths once stretched before me, pot holes have formed ivy has grown over windows and balconies obscuring the view. I feel like i use to wander with my eyes open, i saw where i was going and who i wanted to be, but right now and for a short while i've felt a little lost fragmented between my hopes and fears.
Where is my heart? when did i leave you behind and decide that my head was the best tool for the job, how could i forget that my heart and hands are who i am. Forget all you have seen, let your hands guide you. I haven't seen the sky for a while now an expanse.
That path you once took between that beach and that field where adventured lay in every blade of grass, the sound of those waves crashing, that was you, the warm tarmac under your feet, that feeling you only know, it was brief, in that one moment thats where you lie. Without fear.....that space between.
A sense of failure, loss of time constantly plague my mind, late evenings, pages of journals, thousands of photos and long conversations in my head. Do not quench my thirst, constant, always moving, unable sometimes to see into the distance. I have had the same conversation with myself for months, the same nagging thought, the same thing i always knew....
A constant longing like hunting for treasure or the lure of the sea, i have denied myself who i am, blinded by other peoples actions, i think i have remembered where the path was and where it was leading. I must remember to follow my feet.

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10 comments

  1. Brilliant post Ella, I feel the same way at the moment! Rushing through London every day with my head down - I forget that I'm a country girl at heart! It's important to surround yourself with what inspires you the most. This post has reminded me of that.

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  2. Hi Ella, I follow you on twitter but haven't really read your blog until this evening... I think you are very courageous in putting yourself out there like that to the world and you have inspired me to pick up my own blog writing that I used to enjoy before feeling like I had to 'edit' myself online.
    Also I share your love of the sea, and know what you mean about feeling trapped by fears and losing sight of what we love. I seemed to have opted for being a "grown-up" and forgotten to do the things that make me happy these days! So no more denial of what I love :)

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  3. wow,i had goosebumps the whole time

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  4. Love love love this Ella, at the moment all I seem to do is think about the past summers <3

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  5. Your an inspiration and such a fantastic writer.

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  6. i just wanted to let you know that i nominated you as one of the blogs i have chosen for 'the versatile blog awards' because i think your blog is lovely and i love reading it. if you want to know more about it and want to participate then there is some more about it on my blog here-
    http://teatoastfashion.blogspot.com/2011/12/versatile-blogger-awards.html

    love livvy xoxo

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  7. Beautiful post. You really know how to write from heart :) xxx

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  8. lovely, lovely, lovely :) xoxo

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  9. Such a lovely post Ella :-) and very well written xx

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  10. I'm loving that photo of you!!

    http://www.rafflesbizarre.blogspot.com

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Ella
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