I guess for this post I should start at the beginning, those of you who have been with me over the last few years have been aware it has been my dream to not work my standard day job and go full time freelance. (I made noises about doing just that this time last year), but with an incident that happened at the start of last week I spontaneously handed my letter of resignation to my boss. it came on the back of a really hard last few weeks with illness and that gut wrenching feeling, you get when you know you have to go back too work. I know people who work in a school get holidays off - what are you moaning about ella? Well i got the grand total of two whole days off in that six week holiday, my birthday which I was poorly for and my brothers 21st birthday, I work hard, I never stop and I never allow myself space from work. So after said incident at work, I figured my heart was no longer in it, I bloody love the kids to the moon and back but I wasn't happy, things started to appear in my life that were telling me too stop, at that exact moment in time, I knew I had to walk away.
The last year has been a tough one for me, its been a very personal journey with a hell of a lot of self doubt, cue not blogging, the feeling of worthlessness and the loss of my beloved Grandma, I felt that things couldn't get any worst, and with my grandma's voice in my head (she was the only one who oozed pride and confidence in me even from an early age) made me realize what the hell was i doing it all for, it certainly wasn't for me, I had a light bulb moment when my boss refused to pay me for my summers hard work and I thought back to an interview I had with lyle and scott for a job a few months before. The lady asked me why the hell was I wasting my life working for them (this included the job I was applying for with them), as I sure as hell didn't need to work under anyone, it wasn't till that moment I was sat in my bosses office, I realised this stranger had been right, all the years of hard work I hadn't noticed how far I had come and without the restictions of work how far i could soar. So i pulled the letter of resignation out of my bag, with tears rolling down my face, never being more sure of anything in my life and I walked away.
Currently things are picking up and I am stupidly excited for finally getting to focus my attention on my blog, business and illustration company its just truly terrifying when all your friends around you are getting engaged, buying houses and your starting from the bottom all over again.
I have faith that things will work out, I was hoping to stay in my job at least till Christmas to save a little more before taking the leap, but I do feel like it was the right time for me, it has been nearly four years and i'm never normally the type of person who says she is proud of herself but I stuck it out in hard times when my ME wouldn't let me function properly and when things appeared pretty hopeless with my depression, I worked my way through it. It's a new and scary chapter in my life, one that I will be documenting through my blog, which fills me with happiness again.
Does fortune favor the brave? or the stupid, or fearless, or reckless I guess this list could go on forever. I decided it now comes down to the doing, I can only ever know if I am going too be successful when I actually give up my day job and start living my life how I want too. So here goes nothing, another three weeks teaching and as of 1st October this here tiny lady is full time freelance! eek! So if you have an illustration projects you want working on, collabs, design work give me a shout.
Things I am looking forward too
- Designing my first children's clothing collection
- Road trip with my Bestie
- Buying a proper desk from Ikea
- Working on some exciting commissions
- Applying for markets