I've been thinking about my image (promise its not as self absorbed as you may think) recently after finally discovering outfits that feel more like me over the last six months, i've tried the cute skater girl dresses, dainty cardigans and vintage hem lines a plenty but it just never sat well with me, it wasn't really till recently that I bagged them all up and moved on. I also wanted to share some tips if you are feeling down about you.
Lets go back a few years to when I was a wee nipper I loved this one dress it had a zip down the front was navy blue and covered in white flowers I bloody went everywhere in that dress with my pink plimsolls or green jelly shoes and that was it come rain or shine my legs were out bare and you know what it was that moment I realised I wanted to wear this for me it made me happy and enabled me to be free, and probably because to annoy my sister a little as she was a girly girl and I wasn't I wanted to be like "see I can roll in mud in my dress and you can see my pants but who cares" the point I am trying to make is that I forgot to wear clothes for me that little adventurous rebellious kid had got lost somewhere after I discovered I was really good at inhaling crunch bars! haha
I grew up and felt being a girl I had to wear pretty things to come across as attractive, but you know what I feel best when I wear a baggy off the shoulder tee and a good pair of butt hugging jeans...I've inherited the love of good jeans from my mother but for many years I would only wear dresses (i hated every second of it), due to the weight the thought of jean shopping was just out of the question, silly brain. My weight over the last few years has fluctuated between a size 18 in 2010 and now I sit just at a size 12, and even if I don't honestly admit it to myself it was hard to admit I wasn't happy with who i was or how I looked. You think you look fab and then you go out and see a photo of yourself and you do that comedy moment "is my ass really that big?" Don't get me wrong when I was a size 18 i never thought i was like ugly looking with it, (being bigger doesn't make you ugly I'm not saying that) just when I would see my face I would see someone who wasn't happy, I admitted defeat I was big. I hid behind my hair and endless crap clothes that didn't reflect who I actually was or how amazing I was, yep there I admit it! I felt guilty at times if I wanted to make the effort to feel pretty, I would always think that others wouldn't like what they see, and that thinking isn't right and I know that now.
The above photo was taken after I bought some Mom Jeans, something I had been searching endlessly in vintage shops for, for years and i ummed and arrrhhed about buying these as I have be super paranoid about my damn child baring hips! but then I thought the child Ella would of put these on and think "damn girl you can roll in the mud and cover yourself in sequins in these jeans and look you can't see my pants win and they make you bloody happy so put them on and shut up!" Plus I look like my childhood hero Rick Mayall as Richie in Bottom so win win! It's not necessarily the weight loss that has made me look at clothes and how I wear them differently, its the confidence in myself that changed me yeah I have fat days or days where I wear an outfit that should be locked in the vaults of Room 101, its the ability to remind myself that this is the body i've been given and to look after it and love it and that's what matters, so put clothes on it that reflect you and not what people want you to be like.
I have tried experimenting with a more simple styles having key pieces in my wardrobe that make me feel good about myself, I have come to the conclusion its better to have a few pieces that suit your figure then a million items that make you feel average.
My advice if you aren't feeling like you or letting your image or weight get the better of you-
- Do you really need to change?
- Don't beat yourself up over it
- Accentuate your best asset
- Be kind to yourself
- Tell someone how you feel (this can be yourself )
- wear things for you
- Treat yourself
- Start a healthy thought / Food plan
- Baby steps
- Write how you feel down
- Do not compare yourself to others they have their own struggles.
- Learn to except your flaws
- Love yourself
So what I am saying is that this photo is a catalyst of how to be a little more adventurous in being who you really are. Be honest with yourself if "You" don't like who's looking back at you in the mirror, rationally think is this something I need/want to change for me? if it is and its doable why not try (there is no weakness in improving and loving yourself). If its something for someone else stop and think about yourself will it make you happier? if the answer is no don't do it. Some feelings are fleeting remember that change is constant there's nothing wrong with wanting to be the best version of "You" so take this away with you if a girl can pull off sparkly green jellies then you can wear anything your heart desires.
p.s. I might have just purchased the Mom Jeans in black oops!