1 June 2015

The Loss


Growing up she was my constant beacon, the happy place that I would go to in my head when I was sad as a kid. Being offered endless rich teas and Nice biscuits with my tea. A year has passed like it was only yesterday I got the phone call.

Moments you skipped over when you lived them now become things you hold onto dearly, things you never thought would be important you knit all my memories of her into one. She meant that absolute world to me. It's been a year, a full year void of anything to do with her, the hallways I use to run down and play hide and seek exists now in someone else house, pink no longer is pink enough, there are no photos, her jewellery, fur coats and high heels are nowhere to be seen. It's sometimes as if she never existed, I have slowly forgotten the sound of her voice, but smells still trigger her memory, I do think you ever truly disappear. 

Coping with loss is a tough one, It effects everyone so differently and this is the first that I have never really opened up about, that's one thing I would always recommend doing if you are a little lost at the moment, talk to someone. Always take time for yourself, it always takes time to adjust. I constantly forget she passed away but I think that's natural when you've had a bit of a shock with no closure.  Don't forget that you aren't alone.

So seeing as today is the hardest to think of her, I'm going to spend a little time thinking about the moments we did have together because at the end of the day that's the most important thing that and being grateful for the time we had. 

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3 comments

  1. Cuddles for you my love... it's coming up to a year since my granny died too, and it feels really odd. I still miss her so much. Thinking of you x

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  2. I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. Beautifully written post though, and I respect you for being able to write through it. I find it quite difficult sometimes to write about the loss of my brother and it's been almost 16 years since he died. And I agree how sometimes smells, or even things you thought as irrelevant back then can trigger a sea flow of memories.

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  3. I lost my grandmother at a pretty young age and my grandfather's condition quickly deteriorated without her around - he passed on earlier this year. It all seems quite surreal now, thinking about it and remembering as a child I would visit their house every weekend and just listen to them talk about the old days. Almost like just yesterday, my grandfather slipped my brothers and I, ten dollars each, much to my father's dismay(something about giving the children more than what they can handle). Yes I do forget they have gone sometimes too. I think about the twinkle in their eyes when they laugh about some story my aunt said, or that familiar homely relief you gain the moment you step into their abode. I cope by trusting that they have gone to a better place, that they are together in peace and probably enjoying a bottle of fine wine by some beach with my grandmother's endearing nagging, having their usual inside jokes about being Eurasian and being drunk. The best thing is to live with a smile, living on with the experience they gave to you through stories and life-lessons and find peace in the thought that no matter where you are, they are and will always be, a part of you.

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