I had an epiphany earlier I am finally at a place in my head as a creative that I never thought I'd hit, I looked at someones amazing art work earlier and I was like fuck yes well done you, my younger brain would of been like damn I wish I had created that, or I'm never going to be that good but something finally clicked and you know what I didn't give much of a shit anymore if my work wasn't as fab or as high in demand and you know what that feeling felt great. I know this feeling probably will be a tad fleeting but its nice not to have to overly worry about other being creative.
I have spent the last week feeling pretty low about myself, how I look and my work, that's normal I guess but it's not too healthy for moving forward. Nothing constructive came to me in this time other then reading and drawing work for external clients, my bread and butter work, Always massively important but at times uninspiring. I needed to dig within myself to rid myself of the overly critical voice and then I realised I'm only human and like anything else it's fleeting. But I wasn't productive with my time and the circle of beating myself up continued until mentally it had become a little too consuming so I'm totally embracing the fact that at times I can be a bit of a failure in certain areas of my life and not in other.
I'm kind of oddly sandwich between the blogger to illustrator vibe where I have the pressure of creating good fab content and the pressure of nabbing high end illustration clients and believe me its a very tough place to be but I am learning to navigate my way through it without feeling the pressure to be all these amazing things because at the end of the day you can't be everything. So I am making a little pact with myself to spend the rest of October just doing my own thing for me, saying No to things that just don't make me happy and Yes to things I really want to invest my time in.