14 February 2017

2017 the year of being more body positive


I have spent the day sulking, yep like a petulant child a day filled with naps and being hard on myself. You see I get like this from time to time and it's over the silliest thing... my weight. Yep that age old weight gain issue, I have managed in the last three years to loose 8 stone at my lightest I was around 8 stone (an unhealthy I might add 8 stone) I now currently sit at around 9 stone and that by no stretch of the imagination is heavy but the fear of becoming unhealthy and gaining weight has played on my mind.

I have recently found myself in a new and surprisingly wonderful relationship now if you're anything like me and have the ability to self sabotage a relationship at twenty paces can I get a high five! The main cause of this self sabotaging is because I deem myself as far too unattractive and chubby to be loved, now any of my mates were to utter such nonsense I would shake them until they came to realise how downright ridiculous that sounds, believe me I have tried to unthink those thoughts but a life time of self hatred and self loathing congers up such wonderful thoughts...and you no what I don't want to think like that anymore its silly and unhealthy.

Boots Public Desire 

A conscious decision was made around 6 months ago to reduce the amount of gym time I was inflicting on myself, five to six times a week I would head to the gym, calorie count and fear eating the wrong thing just in case it would make me feel guilty, this is where I sadly developed an eating disorder (I haven't openly spoken about this and in time I'll try) and I knew that my obsessive nature meant I was getting myself in a bad place, I took the drastic action of stopping my Marathon training my head wasn't in the right place. so now when I eat normally and exercise less of course I'm going to gain a few pounds here and there just for the sheer fact I am eating normally and not restricting myself.



I absolutely love eating, it's a fact and now I am with someone that tells me I'm beautiful as I am, and will happily devour an entire pizza with me is just a blessing in itself and it is slowly making me realise what should matter is as cliché as it sounds whats inside us that matters more then the size of out trousers or how many calories we've consumed that day. I need to realise that this body I have been given is an absolute blessing and stop thinking negatively about all my lumps and bumps, I have hang ups about my lack of boob but I have a good ass so really you can't have everything can you? I recently read a post by Chloe Plumstead over on The Little plum Were she talks about embracing her size and just being herself and this blog post completely resonated with me, and made me think why the hell should I feel guilty or hard on myself plus she an absolute goddess and I adore her sense of fashion so it gave me a wonderful little boost to read such wholesome words from a fellow female blogger.

So this year needs to be the year of embracing myself, my body and learning not to punish myself if I enjoy a nice curry with the boyfriend or having an extra cupcake and pushing through my anxieties and going to the gym at least three times a week and not worrying if I have a little chub here and there no one really cares.


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6 comments

  1. Love this! You look great, and happy which is what counts right! Body confidence is such a hard one; it's so easy to go from one extreme to the other when really it should be all about balance. I love the sound of 3 workouts a week but also eating that pizza or cake....now I really want pizza!

    Emma x
    emmasjoys.co.uk

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  2. Please do not feel insecure about your boobs. Love from, your No 1 side boob fan. x

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  3. I feel the exact same! I also lost a lot of weight and started to become obsessed with restricting calories to the point that I was starting to develop an eating disorder. I had to turn myself around and start to push these negative thoughts out of my head. I totally understand the fear of regaining all the weight you managed to lose, I have that worry all the time. But you're right, being a size 8 or whatever shouldn't be the central focus of your life. When you're losing weight you feel like you're really making an achievement but it is easy to become addicted to the dropping number on the scales and the 'wow, you've lost weight!' comments. I'm still trying to change my mindset and I wish you luck in continuing to be happy with yourself.
    theemeralddove21.blogspot.co.uk

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  4. You look absolutely fabulous and I'm so happy to read that you're in a wonderful relationship. That's so good to know. I absolutely agree with you on bodypositivity too. I'm the same and loooove to sabotage everything going on in my life because of hatred towards myself an my body. But that is utter nonsense. We shouuld not feel guilty about not being perfect - no one is.

    Love, Kerstin
    http://www.missgetaway.com/

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  5. I really, really relate to this post Ella, thank you so much for sharing it. I have been a size 24 at my heaviest and a size 12 at my smallest and am more self-conscious at my smallest about what food I am putting into my mouth and how much I am training... it's a ridiculous game isn't it. You are stunningly beautiful and super inspirational, always remember that! xxx

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  6. Thank you for sharing this Ella, it was exactly what I needed to read right now! I've become a lot fitter over the last year, but only in the last month or so have I realised how much of an unhealthy relationship I have with food. I'm either overindulging or under eating with seemingly no in between. A decline in health meant I haven't been able to get to the gym as much as I would have liked to this week, but reading this has made me see that cutting myself some slack is not a bad thing! I'm going to try my best to remind myself of this on the daily! Thank you! xx

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