22 February 2017

New things - My top recent purchases

 This is in no way sponsored content I promise, I just wanted to take the time to show you what I've been loving in the last few weeks. At the moment I am really loving this slightly warmer weather (ok so maybe not that warm but you get me) so I have been able to wear less layers key finding lose fitting shirts this one black and white dotted one was found on Sick chick Chic's depop and I have literally worn it everyday since I received it. Now I am trying to be a little bit more chic and have spotted some fab but for me personally unaffordable cultch bags (I am a big bag lady so I hate spending loads even on a fair sized bag) but I snapped up the round leopard print shoulder bag from T K Maxx but it's a label called LYDC, and it was just what I was looking for and for £9.99 I couldn't complain.
I am forever in my black Zara jeans but I spotted these blue jeans from Newlook and oh my they fit perfectly on my tiny little legs, not often I can find ankle grazers that fit my hips so I snapped these up and they work so well with my new dusky pink bow flats from Zara, I couldn't believe how cheap they were for the quality. It's what I have decided to put on my feet for London Fashion Week Festival. My chosen perfume is le vie est belle but when I came across white amber in Next it was surprisingly lovely I picked up the smaller version just so I can pop it in my handbag

Now I probably shouldn't talk about my book collection (It's shockingly massive) as I don't need anymore books but I had to get Sarah Knights book's as I had read so much hype and to be honest I do need to get my sh++t together, I am half way through and I just love the way she writes. I'm not to sure how I came across Mel Wells Goddess revolution, but I am so so glad I did, after developing an eating disorder last year, this book is really really helping me feel that I am not alone and Mel does actually know what she's talking about. I really didn't need this notebook from paperchase but it was £2 and works as the best bullet journal I've ever owned so I wont be complaining.

You're probably wondering why I have included my passport in this post, but It was my biggest purchase of the last few weeks, me and Jaymie are headed off to morocco in a few months and I bit the bullet to get it renewed and its probably my favourite purchase, as I am planning a few fun trips in the near future. When I was in T K Maxx the other day I found this Nica backpack in the sale and I couldn't resist it's the perfect size for me, as often backpack swamp my 5ft figure, took it for it's first outing today and it's so comfy. Can you tell I love colour? ha! When I saw this jumper and Leopard print top in H&M Brighton I thought it would go well with my new chic transformation also kinda works with my slight rock look.
The lovely Susie at Baia Bags sent me the small pouch in the fabric I designed for her  I think for ss16 and it's such a wonderful quality and I am really pleased with how the material turned out. For last but not least I saw Helen Anderson bought a copper cafetiere from Wilkinsons and I made the boyfriend help me hunt it out and I am not disappointed, I am trying to cut down on coffee shop coffee so this purchase is helping me love black coffee again.

So there are my top purchases in the last two months, I love a good bargain, what have been your top purchases recently?

17 February 2017

Taylors of Harrogate collaborathion with William Morris a mini review

My morning routine when I am at home is to make myself something to eat and then pour myself out a hot coffee while I catch up on geeky art documentaries on Iplayer. So when the new Taylors of  Harrogate's coffee  arrived last week with a William colouring book I couldn't wait to give my morning coffee a new lease of life. I finally bought myself a cafetiere so I could fully enjoy this coffee.

I have never made coffee in a cafetiere before and it really makes you take your time, I had no idea what I was doing and I was pleasantly surprised by the amount of coffee I could make a whole mornings worth.  I am slowly trying to lessen my intake of soya milk in my coffee, so I now have a black coffee with my breakfast and I find this to be my favourite to start the day. The coffee itself has no need for coffee or milk (personal taste) as it has a nice chocolate warm taste to it. The combination of coffee and William Morris tick all my boxes, if you haven't seen any of William Morris's work (where the hell have you been) but he created the most amazing patterns and art work for use in wall papers and other goodies so the pattern for the packaging is just sublime.

One of the things that brought me and boyfriend together was our love of drinking coffee so for  Valentines I couldn't pass up a coffee inspired Valentines card that you can snap up here. So sharing this lovely new blend with him will be a must

16 February 2017

Massive £5 print sale

Anyone that knows me knows that I work a hell of a lot, so recently I have been creating a ton of new work that has been available in my studio shop. I have decided to have a big £5 sale on all prints, every penny made will go towards a super exciting purchase, I am finally saving for my first car which I am really excited about.

Also it means that I will have more space in the shop for some new pieces so that really exciting, so if you want to get your hands on the last run of some of these prints then head to Ella Masters Studio.


14 February 2017

2017 the year of being more body positive

I have spent the day sulking, yep like a petulant child a day filled with naps and being hard on myself. You see I get like this from time to time and it's over the silliest thing... my weight. Yep that age old weight gain issue, I have managed in the last three years to loose 8 stone at my lightest I was around 8 stone (an unhealthy I might add 8 stone) I now currently sit at around 9 stone and that by no stretch of the imagination is heavy but the fear of becoming unhealthy and gaining weight has played on my mind.

I have recently found myself in a new and surprisingly wonderful relationship now if you're anything like me and have the ability to self sabotage a relationship at twenty paces can I get a high five! The main cause of this self sabotaging is because I deem myself as far too unattractive and chubby to be loved, now any of my mates were to utter such nonsense I would shake them until they came to realise how downright ridiculous that sounds, believe me I have tried to unthink those thoughts but a life time of self hatred and self loathing congers up such wonderful thoughts...and you no what I don't want to think like that anymore its silly and unhealthy.

Boots Public Desire 

A conscious decision was made around 6 months ago to reduce the amount of gym time I was inflicting on myself, five to six times a week I would head to the gym, calorie count and fear eating the wrong thing just in case it would make me feel guilty, this is where I sadly developed an eating disorder (I haven't openly spoken about this and in time I'll try) and I knew that my obsessive nature meant I was getting myself in a bad place, I took the drastic action of stopping my Marathon training my head wasn't in the right place. so now when I eat normally and exercise less of course I'm going to gain a few pounds here and there just for the sheer fact I am eating normally and not restricting myself.

I absolutely love eating, it's a fact and now I am with someone that tells me I'm beautiful as I am, and will happily devour an entire pizza with me is just a blessing in itself and it is slowly making me realise what should matter is as clich√© as it sounds whats inside us that matters more then the size of out trousers or how many calories we've consumed that day. I need to realise that this body I have been given is an absolute blessing and stop thinking negatively about all my lumps and bumps, I have hang ups about my lack of boob but I have a good ass so really you can't have everything can you? I recently read a post by Chloe Plumstead over on The Little plum Were she talks about embracing her size and just being herself and this blog post completely resonated with me, and made me think why the hell should I feel guilty or hard on myself plus she an absolute goddess and I adore her sense of fashion so it gave me a wonderful little boost to read such wholesome words from a fellow female blogger.

So this year needs to be the year of embracing myself, my body and learning not to punish myself if I enjoy a nice curry with the boyfriend or having an extra cupcake and pushing through my anxieties and going to the gym at least three times a week and not worrying if I have a little chub here and there no one really cares.


13 February 2017

should I give a fuck about Valentines?

I have a little confession to make, I have never had a valentines, nope never until now that is (my boyfriend is probably sneakily reading this oh hey!) I'm 28 and this year is the first year I am in a relationship that falls on the 14th February, well technically that's a wee lie I was with someone last year but he was cheating on me and decided to spend Valentines with her and not me, I wasn't too fussed as I am stubborn and tend not to want to break a habit of a life time (humour is my coping mechanism not sure if you noticed yet?) and I've had girl mates asking me ooh so where is he taking you? what have you brought him? and I'm like does it really matter? Does it mean I don't care enough about him that I haven't come up with this elaborate evening of affection (can't be using the L word just yet ha!) This got me thinking about this day were you're either made to feel unloved or you should be lounging around in sexy lingerie being made sweet sweet love to by your significant other.

Growing up in my family home as a child around this time of year was confusing, my Mother was a florist by trade and would often in my late teens be working every hour around this time to get bouquets of flower made and sent out to swooning couples declaring their undying love for each other. Where as on the other hand for my Father it marked the death of his Father my Grandfather who I never met, it's still a tough one for my dad to articulate. So on a day were we are supposedly meant to show are trustiest intent and deepest love its tarnished with an air of sadness in my family over something that directly affects the people I love. So I have never really seen it as a day of romance, of getting what you want or being told you are loved, my father was obviously affectionate to my mother buying her a card and probably an extra packet of fags and some heart shaped chocolates, but it was a day growing up that you struggled through because ultimately my father found it hard.

I never really needed to value or ear mark the day as anything special in my calendar it was hard for me to understand my dad loosing his dad until the moment I lost my mother, I realised that Valentines day isn't really special until you've lost something that is of value to you because the one you love can't be loved, showered in affection or taken to the pictures, now doesn't that sound depressing, don't get me wrong you can use it as a day to bestow all the heart shaped chocolates on your significant other, take the time to love yourself, go out with girl mates but for me its a tough day of watching my Father solider on through his new life, A life with out my Mother now I give a tremendous about of fucks about my family and my father everyday of the year but its the holidays, celebrations were things and feelings stick out like sore thumbs.

He still buys my mother flowers every week, picks up heart shape stones and keeps then in a jar when he's at work and occasionally will change the box in which her ashes reside in to give her a different look, because that's what real love is, it's heart breaking and its more then just the amount of gifts you get given, its more then how much they've spent on that fancy steak dinner, it's way more then bragging about your relationship and showing off. Its the things you do on a daily basis behind closed doors. Its waking up every morning before work to put the fairy lights on in the dark near your wife's ashes so you don't feel so alone and that's why I give a slight fuck about Valentines because it stands out to me to be a day where I need to show the people around me a little bit of love, as I did last year I have brought my dad a thinking of you card because I am and sometimes it's nice to know someone is acknowledging in your tough times and anyway who doesn't love a nice card.

Maybe because I have never had the worry of getting this wrong or the burden or pressure of making someone feel loved on this day I can objectively stand on the outside looking down on this so called day of love and realise that really it's just another day like any other we should spend everyday making the person we've chosen feel loved, respected and wanted.

So however you choose to spend your Valentines and there is no wrong or right way, I will be spending the evening before with my lovely fella probably laughing at stupid jokes and eating too much, just make sure its about the person and not about what you didn't get, take the time to give yourself a little TLC and appreciate the fact love is a wonderful thing.

8 February 2017

Camden date night

I love food, I love coffee and I love hanging out with my Boyfriend so you can imagine when I combine all three of these I am a pretty happy girl. So me and Ben have been trying to make a point of actually doing things when we spend time together. Also what with Ben being from the North it's nice to venture around London with someone who's not local. So we ventured over to Camden for the day. Safe to say the weather wasn't on our side and having a day date is always fun as there are more things open and to do.

We wandered around and obviously our first stop was for coffee because we are both pretty obsessed with a good coffee genuinely think its the main reason he hangs out with me. We wandered down by the lock and found a lovely little coffee shop and I obviously ordered a brownie! I love the fact our dates literally consist of us just rambling on about stuff that others wouldn't find remotely interesting but I love it. It was pretty chill that day so all the hot drinks had to be consumed.

I find Camden now days is really hit and miss, back before they 'did it up' I use to love going vintage shopping and having a good rummage but it seems to now sell knock off goods and tat which makes it harder to hunt out all the good stuff, so having realised this and what with the weather getting damper we ventured into one of my favourite pubs in Camden, the infamous Hawley Arms made famous by the lovely Amy winehouse (an other celebs) managed to bag a sofa seat and snuggled down to talk even more rubbish. I love the fact this pub is always bustling and busy but it doesn't ever feel over crowded or uncomfortable.

Now when it comes to choosing something to eat and if I know there is a Diner near by I will always pretty much opt for it, I know the food is pretty tasty, friendly staff and its warm. So we headed to the one in Camden mainly to shelter from the rain and to keep our Hangry demons at bay I went for a Veggie hot dog and he went for a burger so safe to say we were both pretty well fed and content.

Lets talk about my date outfit, when ever I have a day date I do sometimes struggle wearing anything fancier then jeans, it's just who I am and I have come to terms with it but I discovered this amazing topshop dress in the sale last week and is now pretty much my go to outfit when I am feeling shitty.
I teamed it up with my public desire thigh high boots ( fun little collab coming soon) and hey presto you have a day to night date outfit. I find if I keep it simple I feel way less self conscious and that's always a bonus in my eyes.


7 February 2017

getting your confidence back after being cheated on

It has been a fair while since I took the time to reflect and write a little something personal, and its one of those things that I find myself doing a hell of a lot less these days, it's weird I run a lifestyle blog and I've been consciously sharing less and less of my life since loosing my Mum, I guess it could be a mix of having a bit of a boring life and probably laziness but anyway that doesn't matter.

I have in the past often found myself in situations I guess you could say relationships of a sort with guys that literally were frankly a waste of my time and energy. The last two years I have spent a large proportion of my time with very dare I say nasty men I guess even up till the end of 2016 this was the case and I realised that something needed to change this is something I slightly touched on back in maybe April and I have been very quiet and secretive regarding what exactly happened.

I guess once again I have consciously shared this with anyone other then close family and friends and I wanted to share a little run down of guys I have dated and just maybe a little insight on how if you are dealing with similar to tell you its not ok, what the signs are and how to get out.

Please bear in mind I am currently dating the nicest guy I have ever met, which he jokes that, that's not to hard given my track record and sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself. So I have broken down three previous relationships to either make you feel fab about yours or help you realise you deserve better.

The sociopath

Right this is the one person that I possibly will happily use the word hate towards, many moons ago (2015) when my mother was still alive she would often say get off the internet dating and go to a pub and meet a nice guy... I did this and this is where I met 'The sociopath' now I am not blind to the nasty people of the world but two weeks into this relationship my mother died, so I pretty much clung to any niceness or affection that was about. I was with this guy for 6 months and in this time I discovered he already had a Girlfriend, yep and probably endless other women, I can't go into too much details and this is still on going in court ( I told you I had been secretive) he stole money, a phone with photos of my Mum on and spent our whole relationship (I don't often call it that) lying to me and you know what I kind of knew it, but he was so aggressive, manipulative and abusive, I couldn't tell my dad that he was right that I just let it be, that was one of the biggest mistakes as I dealt with it alone. I was in such a bad place with my mum that I didn't have the energy to cope with the truth even now the thought of him makes me anxious and teary.

So the signs that he was a liar living a double life

- Nothing he said was backed up with facts
- If I confronted him he became angry
- Very secretive
- All consuming would say what I wanted to hear
- Inconsistent
- Secretive over his phone
- Flakey / would disappear
- use violence and aggression to sort a situation out
- Wasn't affectionate in public
- Manipulative
- Different person behind closed doors

This guy lied about his sister dying in the same way my mum had died only 6 weeks before and when I confronted him about all this he claimed it was the only way he felt he could talk to me about my mum's passing, can I just say for the record, 'fuck right off that's not ok.' and I discovered his double life after his manipulative ways struck again, giving me the name of his so called sister, clearly wasn't I did some facebook stalking and it turns out after he disappeared off the face of the earth stealing money that, it was infact  his other girlfriend. Full blown Jeremy Kyle moment, I met her we spoke she seemed lovely, we met him it was all very dramatic he denied knowing me and guess what she's still with him now nearly a year on, after knowing the abuse I suffered with him she can still be with someone like that is just crazy and this recently really made me think, how desperate we are not to be alone that we seek comfort in someone that isn't right for us for fear of actually having to deal with ourselves.

As sad as it is to say, and I would hate for this person to know but his action and the way he treated me have left me mentally scared, I'm not the kind of person that lets things like that get to me but sadly this one will take a life time of occasionally looking over my shoulder, brief panic attacks and anxiety to fully recover from, but fundamentally I know I made a mistake but I am ok. 

The control freak

Now I have been in two minds about sharing this situation because it is fairly recently and also I know for a want of a better word that he still stalks my social media but anyway. We only dated it wasn't ever official but very quickly I realised we weren't compatible and I broke it off after a few weeks as certain traits made it very hard for me to even sit in the same room as this person. This is where the gut instinct kicks in, don't stay with someone when your guts is screaming run away.

I enjoy a good gym session and in the past I have suffered from an eating disorder to control how I feel and when you spot this destructive behaviour in someone else I found it too much for me to be around. He would say certain things about my size, ask me what food I had eaten and when I would next be going to the gym, please bear in mind he went for at least 6 hours a day and barely ate anything and would judge me for having sugar in my tea, who does that!?! Any way I picked up on the signs of this control pretty early on and I voiced how I felt which as you can imagine, wasn't met with nice words. He came back into my life then only to 'dump me' so he could control the situation which I even found laughable at the time.

- would call 3/4 times a day literally about nothing
- Would put you down about size, hair colour things that were personal
- project their insecurities on you
- too much too quick
- Unhealthy  / obsessive behaviour
- Mentally controlling
- Judgmental

Looking back at this I only wasted a month but after having someone check the calories in my sandwich I was eating and would regularly do this I realised I would rather date that sandwich then that kind of human. But due to previous encounters with men I could spot the signs and confidently realise that I needed to run for the hills!

The one that can't be saved

I have not spoken much about this person really on my social media, this person was the hardest for me to get over, not because I was in Love or that we were even right for each other but because he was the last guy my Mother ever met, she was my vetting process and by god did we jointly get this person all wrong. It wouldn't be till months later when a close mate spoke to me about  how much of a bullet I dodged. This person at the time was pretty much everything I wanted, gave me all the right attention, I met his family and they were incredible we dated for 4 months and it was never official and It was one of those situations that I never knew where I stood. That horrible will I hear from him tomorrow, what have I said this time to upset him?

He was the first person I called when my mum had initially been rushed into hospital slumped on the floor by the ambulance bay in floods of tears and the response I got was 'what do you want me to do about it I have work to do', alarm bells should of rang, but bear in mind I was with 'the sociopath' by this time and this guy had binned me because lets face fact a combination of cocaine and steroids aren't any good to anyone and when you already have mental health issues that's not going to do anyone any favours. So time passed and I still wanted to be with him and we tried again, for me to then be left alone in a hotel room (he walked out after an argument) for me to never see him again. He then got into a relationship with someone else pretty quickly after this and I am not going to lie that was harder to deal with then ever being cheated on but the funny thing was two weeks later I got an influx of facebook messages from other women he was dating asking if I was Ella and that he had been cheating the whole entire time, i'd been to family do's, his mum had been to my mums funeral and then you find that out and my first reaction wasn't sadness for me but genuine sadness for him, no woman would ever manage to put up with the mood swings and high maintenance and I realised I am so glad to not be with someone I can't trust.

What I learned from those 7 months on and off with this person was, I deserve consistency, respect and love. It's not much to ask and even basic friendships are based on those things. I couldn't save him from his drug habit, or suicidal thoughts. I wasn't strong enough after loosing my mum to look after me, so being dumped was a relief. In all honestly I think I stuck around because I adored his mum ha!

So what's the point of you telling us all this Ella? well I would like it even if one girl reading this realises that she is worth so so much more then the relationship she is in, it's ok to be single and not have to deal with anyone else's shit, Don't get me wrong I have mental health issues, but you shouldn't be with someone who fuels these and makes things worst and vice verses. You should be with someone that brings out the best version of you and if that means remaining single until you're 80 and being with the love of your life then? so be it!

How to gain your confidence back.

The first step to getting your confidence back is realising that you can't change someone, what has happened has happened and it's not always you that's problem and more often then not they're the one with the issue and projecting It on you. Take the time to be on your own. Do things for you, take the time to give yourself distance from that person and surround yourself with good people.

I can not tell you this enough, you are stronger then you think and braver then you feel, I have dealt with physical violence and mental abuse from guys in the past and they are always weaker, if someone has to physically harm you to get what they want then man or woman that's not right and you need to walk away from that, you'll find the strength If I can deal with finding my mother dying then you can find the strength inside you to realise you are worth the world.

If you find the person you're with is cheating, then my advice would be to walk away, assess the situation and often then not once a cheat always a cheat and find yourself someone you can trust.

Learning to be with someone new after similar situations I have been in it takes a lot of strength to let someone else in, take your time and don't judge someone new on how someone else has treated you, I am cautious and can easily cut someone else out of my life and my wall remains a tiny bit up but believe me in time things wont feel so hard and you are more then capable of being loved again.

Once someone starts eroding yourself confidence and self belief then that's the moment you put yourself first and you walk away, because believe me if they think that's ok then they aren't the person for you I am so grateful I genuinely am to these men that have treated me so badly in the past because it makes me realise that being with the person I am currently with which is not easy for me at times but it makes me appreciate all the little things he does and its made me realise what real affection and care is, this is probably the first time in my adult life I have felt that.

A lot of my mates laugh at this and find it hard to believe but I have never had a valentines or a present from a guy I have been seeing because you know what they've been selfish, narcissistic controlling and to be honest cheats probably couldn't stretch to more then one Tesco value bunch of flowers and I'm ok with my hang ups from past relationships, I'm ok with the fact that I probably get viewed with baggage and I am ok to admit I have made some pretty bad choices when it comes to men. But what I am not ok with is repeating this again anytime soon, I am slowly learning I am capable of loving someone, I am deserving of love, and I am actually a really nice person to be around. Believe me I could list more, the weirdo, the lying army guy, the disappearing bloke but I reckon for now this will do.

Also if you feel like you need to talk to someone, escape a situation or are dealing with abuse male or female
National Domestic violence website is available
 refuge /
women's Aid


3 February 2017

Denim workshop with BooHoo

So the lovely ladies at Boohoo invited me down to Boohoo HQ to get out customisation on, we were given the option of three denim jackets in three different styles and colours, we were told we could customise one jacket with anything that was on the table, there were so many patches to choose from, pens, paints and sand paper.

There were a few lovely ladies who were designers for BooHoo that were distressing a few jackets and customising and showing the styles that we could create, I decided to roll up the sleeves and use some metal studs to give it a little rock chic vibe and also I hate wearing long sleeves, the  jacket I decided to opt for was a black long length denim jacket with a detachable fur collar, the night was really lovely because I was able to spend time with some new and old faces. We sat around sewing, ironing and painting while having a good gossip and we totally discussed our opinions on trump while sewing all the sassiest of quotes onto our jackets. Felt way more like a trendy WI meeting then a Blog event.

When I got home I wasn't 100% happy with what I had drawn on the back so I cut up the tote bag that the jacket came in and I got painting, I am a little obsessed with hands at the moment and I got doodling late into the night, I had patches and studs all along the front lapels but I removed these ready to be sewn and ironed on the back, it was lovely to be able to get back into customising something simple like a denim jacket and really anyone can create a really unique piece for cheap.

1 February 2017

exploring london

There's nothing I love more then exploring parts of London that you thought you knew well enough already, me and Jaymie decided to go on the hunt for some pretty buildings and catch up over a much needed coffee. We wandered around primrose hill for a little while and headed off the main street and came across some beautiful colourful houses and I just couldn't pass up snapping some photos.

I have become a little bit obsessed with layers and oversized clothes, maybe I am finally getting into this winter thing, often now when I decided what to wear its all about whats fluffiest and biggest. The H&M boots I snapped up for £10 in the sale have now become my go to boot after I stupidly only hand high boots on and hadn't brought a change with me, best £10 I spent in a while, I was quietly pleased because I have freakishly small feet and can never fit them in H&M shoes. But they were perfect and we strolled to the top of primrose hill and on the bright cold day could see for miles across London, I am a massive fan of North London its the perfect place to snap Instagram worthy cars, front doors and pretty store fronts.

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