This week marks the loss of a friend after four years I still struggle to cope with the news, I don’t often share the most inner thoughts I have on here, for many reasons, but this week is often the hardest. We were so young and it was so unexpected, I haven’t written this post for sympathy far from it, I have written the post to keep the memory of him going, sometimes its hard when you forget memories and it the hardest when you move away from people who you all once shared a friendship with, its like what we all went through never happened. So if you are living with people at university or with your family, please appreciate those people you share your life with, observe the small things, appreciate the moments you have together. Its always the silly things your brain retains when you can no longer be with them. Because we all at some point suffer a loss be it family, friends or pets and it is never the easiest to cope with but life can be hard and life can be amazing, never hold back I have learn’t life is to short if you like someone like them, if you don’t get on with someone you tried move on, if you worry about how you look, don’t – well worry in the right proportions, and move on.
People come in and out of our lives for reasons, sometimes they aren’t clear and it can be confusing, the loss of a friend in a horrific accident can throw your world upside down and it can be the hardest thing to deal with, and those moments of not knowing and friends not speaking of the worst, was the hardest, and if I am honest I am still wondering why, why you walked into my life and how it was so easy for you to walk out of it. I know it wasn’t by choice but it leaves a massive hole.
Everyone has their tragedies and hard times, we are all humans. We love, we hurt and we eventually die, pretty heavy I know but I think once you grasp the thought that the time we have on this planet is fleeting and that change is inevitable, you learn to absorb the small things and notice that everyone we encounter leaves marks on us be it good or bad and that is important and what they leave behind is what is valued not what we posses. I remember my best friend saying nothing is ever constant, so appreciate what you have.
The moment I had to tell her the bad news I had received via a phone call from another friend in tears, it was the hardest moment, I try not to remember that moment, it was like a movie, when things pause and moments feel like forever, with silence. The phone call will stay with me forever I am just grateful Kelly didn’t have to answer the phone, it was a bad dream. I remember exactly where i was and we were watching mamma mia, we were laughing and drawing as the rain poured outside. Both me and kelly thought to ourselves if they had just waited two more minutes would it have been different? I guess we would never know.
for yourself and for me take today, to do what you enjoy even if it is for five minutes, savour what makes you happy with people that make you happy and if they are far away, which sadly sometimes the people you love and care for are, write to them, call them. If I have learn’t anything from loosing my friend is to take the time to appreciate what you have with who you have it with. If you have something you want to do in life do it, don’t let fear or failure hold you back. I’m not really saying go out and do everything and take everything in, and rush through life, its nice sometimes to have chill time and not always push yourself, but remember what you are here for. When times seem bleak, you aren’t alone you really aren’t, if you don’t really have someone physically there to talk to, you could email someone, tweet someone, write your feelings in to a letter get them out of your head. Processing feelings writing them down and those negative thoughts can be good for you, we are all allowed at times to be down and vulnerable.
I surrounded myself with my work after loosing him because I felt so guilty that I could finish my degree and he couldn’t, that I could laugh and he couldn’t but things are the way they are, if you are going through pain or loss at the moment, those feelings you feel will not always stay so raw, it hurts I think its meant to, its meant to make you feel. The best thing you can do is push through don’t blame yourself don’t regret and always look to the future with a hint of positivity, if it is without someone they wouldn’t want you being sad, write them a letter, they may never read it but it can heal wounds.