How do we get to were we want to be?

I recently received a pretty spiteful and hate filled message from an ex best friend, its a long ass story that I wont bore you with now but it did make me think. Once I got this message it left me pretty enraged, it was patronising and twisted with words sent to make me feel horrible about myself. At a time when I need kind words of encouragement it was the last thing I wanted or needed to hear. Undeserved and pointless I thought as I lay in my hotel bed on the phone to my best friend.

It dawned on me only recently well in the last hour that this message filled with spite was really more about her then it was me. Now I don’t profess to be free of hurting people, or using unkind words when I’m angry but the force of that message made me asses my situation.

I could of retaliated with the same level of abuse and nastiness but, I let it make me angry, upset, disappointed, enraged and then eventually right now my status on this is non plussed. I’ve not replied and probably have no intention to. For most of my adult career this person has wished they lived my life, now they were telling me in no other way that their life was a lot more adult, that their relationship was a lot more serious and her time was far more important and precious then mine? yep complete rubbish exactly what I thought. It enraged me so much at the time that I took to Facebook to defend my relationship with my boyfriend. We’ve been together nearly a year and half, talked about marriage, kids, moving in together buying a house you name it we’ve discussed it, but what we made the error in doing is not bragging about it on our Facebooks, Well actually I’m not even friends with my boyfriend on Facebook never have been and probably never will be. I have no real interest in tagging him in the endless shit we get up to, I’ve always thought really its not for us its for others to see?!

It made me realise that we don’t build ourselves up by tearing each other down, we just don’t. Nothing good can really come from it. I want to own my own house I truly do, but where I live in London unless you have a tidy 80k -130k sitting in your back pocket for a deposit thats not going to happen, so we can brag about our lives and we can send hate filled comments to one another but no one really knows what that other person is dealing with. I took the initiative with this friendship to call it quits after they never got in contact with me when my brother killed himself, she was simply far to busy for me and thats fine but what people are truly unaware of is,  life Is really hard and the more bridges people chose to burn the lonelier life becomes.

We must always remember to be kind, Caring and considerate no matter how much you think you’re better then anyone else often the case is always that you are not. You may own a house but you might never of passed your driving test, everyone is different with completely different ambitions it doesn’t make anyone else less important. Its really how you treat the people who are telling you about the ambitions, you should fill your life with people who are willing to support you no matter how hard life gets.

I’ve been extra kind to myself, taking more time to tell myself my life is good enough, I am happy enough. I don’t want to get to where that person is, our paths are different, I’m ok with that I’m not to sure about her and I’m thankful our paths probably wont ever cross again. I am slowly writing my ambitions down, not relying on my man for my happiness and taking the time to heal after my brothers death where I want to be is different to you and thats ok.


1 Comment

  1. May 30, 2018 / 10:29 am

    Ignoring horrible messages like what you’ve received can sometimes be the hardest option. Our first instincts a lot of the time is to give some back & defend ourselves but it takes a much bigger person to just walk away from it and recognise that responding will be the less stressful way to move forward. I’ve always loved your content Ella & think it’s great you’ve shared this little story to help others understand how to better handle these awful situations. No one should have to get messages like that from anyone let alone an old friend 🙁 x x
    Ellis //

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