photos by Natasha Nuttall
As the late winter nights draw in, I’m finding myself struggling more and more to venture out of the house and do things, its pretty much dark by 4pm so anything that keeps me out of the house then is a no go for my exhausted brain. Recently I have taken to turning down press events due to my heavy work load and lack of organisation skills, having led me to leaving things to the last minute, no surprise there. So I made a bit of an effort to venture out to t Wacoal event with Natasha, I was in need of another bra fitting, so we both jumped at the chance to stare at pretty things and take a stroll through the super busy streets around soho.
I have finally come to the conclusion I am a creature of habit, when in the bra fitting room, the lady measuring me asked me if I wanted something special or something comfy, comfy for me. Even though the something special was black my colour of choice I opted for the baby pink comfy set. Maybe this is just a manifestation of my current situation. The last year has physically and mentally worn me down to a nub of my former self so whenever I can I seek comfort I do, I guess my anxieties haven’t helped in this area but its my current coping mechanism. I am currently writing this in a baggy hoody in Ben’s comfy bed. Don’t get me wrong I make the effort when I need to I just am so much happier with a good pair of black jeans and a band Tee on.
I guess my role in social media and work is the same. I feel so much pressure to be pushing myself outside my comfort zones, to always be “on it” but I think comfort zones are there for a reason. My last year has seen a massive decline in my confidence, my brothers suicide has had major knock on affects to things that I never dreamed could be shaken. But I would like to think it has made me a stronger person. We are all to often quick to highlight our weaknesses and not champion the things that deserve praise and attention, I do it all the time, we all do. Staying in your comfort zone isn’t a weakness, saying no to work isn’t a weakness and giving yourself a break isn’t a sign of weakness.
On the other hand we shouldn’t rest on our laurels, I am ambitions in certain lines of work, my illustration business infact I have been working behind the scenes to get things up and running, creating a book and hitting my personal work target for magazines I have featured in this year. Totally smashing it at the end of this year with illustrating the front cover plus other illustrations for she is fierce Magazines currently on pre order. So I guess the whole thing is a little give and take, push yourself in areas you know you need to but at the same time allow yourself a break.